This is a little different style and song than I typically like to post. I’ve never actually heard of these guys before, but of the 10 or so version of this song I listened to on YouTube, I liked them the best.
It is Well with My Soul is a hymn written in the 1870’s by Horatio Spafford, a Chicago lawyer and Presbyterian Elder. His first son died in 1871, the same year the Great Chicago Fire also destroyed a large portion of his real estate investments. In 1873, he decides to take his wife and four daughters on a trip to England. He had to stay back for work, but planned to meet up with them later.
On November 22, their ship crashed with another. His wife survived, but all his daughters died. She sent him a message telling him what happened and he hopped a ship over to England to be with her. As he was passing the general location of the wreck, he wrote this hymn. They would eventually have three more children, but sadly lose one of them, their other son, as well.
I was thinking of this song as we drove to the doctor/hospital this past Monday. I suppose I should have had a little more hope than I did, apparently bleeding is normal during some pregnancies. Mrs. MMT knew a few people that experienced this. After 16 months of trying to get pregnant, I had mostly lost hope. I’ve always been pretty cynical as it is. It was odd driving down the road, basically trying not to think about a miscarriage, trying to hope that the doctor would tell us there was no problem, and then thinking of this song.
I wasn’t sure how to act. Was it in my head because I had read the story of Spafford in November, then sang this song one Sunday in December? I thought maybe it was a movement by the Holy Spirit to comfort me, but of course, that’s not what I wanted it to be. It retrospect, that is likely what it was. After getting home, Mrs. MMT and I discussed it, she too felt a calm, maybe even a peace about the miscarriage, despite the obvious pain and sense of loss, and the returning sense of hopelessness.
In a terrible coincidence, last November or early December, we had schedule an appointment with a fertility specialist for this coming Monday. We found out we were pregnant on Christmas Day, so instead of a fertility appointment, we set up our first sonogram appointment, as this would be the eight week mark this coming Monday. Well, turns out, they want to see you a week after a miscarriage, so we replaced our sonogram appointment with a follow up appointment to make sure Mrs. MMT is alright (physically) and to maybe give us a reason as to what might have happened.
We are not hopeful they will have an answer for us. That isn’t a knock on the doctors or nurses, it is just a fact that about one quarter of pregnancies end in miscarriage. So, at this point, I don’t expect them to tell us that this was anything but a statistic. They will also let us know when they think we can start trying again.
So, for now, we are sad, hurt, disillusioned and at a loss; Mrs. MMT is still dealing with the physical after affects; and every thing just seems a little shitty over all; but we know that it is well.
John 14:27 –
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.